Life throws you a curve: Lessons To Live By?

So here I am. I never thought of being this age! I always thought I would die in my mid-30s. I don't really know why, but ever since I was a child, my dreams did not exceed the age of 30. I didn't have a lot of visions of the future, but whatever, I never imagined the older version of me.

However, I did imagine, at one point in my life, that I would travel and experience cultures, people with more imagination, and different views of life itself. I wanted to see what else was there in this life. Is this all there is to us? I can say that I had my first existential question at the age of 10.

So, the curveball.....I am at an age to be a grandmother, which I am not. I am at an age to retire that I'm not. At an age to have deposited enough memories and wisdom that I can share with the world, which I don't. Most importantly, at an age where I wanted to have completed my first book, which I didn't. I am, however, working from home, babysitting two rambunctious cats, endlessly trying to clean an overlooked house, dealing with children's health issues, and most importantly, working again with my husband, who failed at my first try 25 years ago.

I have accepted this position. I am trying to deal with it as any inexperienced person, and I seem to be failing at some point and getting more stressed. When I was young, I vowed never to repeat my mother's "mistakes." At least what I thought they were mistakes such as being relient on my kids, feeling lonely, feeling abandoned, and most importantly, feeling needy. All those adjectives and feelings associated with them I felt. I keep reminding myself to be independent, sufficient, and fulfilled. Three adjectives I can honestly say: I don't feel at all.

So I got the curveball, but can I at least have a complete scenario of the new life I need to live? My older daughter should be married with kids; my younger one should finish school and start work and family with her husband. They visited me every weekend, and we would have our weekly dinners with kids running around, being loud, laughing, and crying at the same time. Or should I be planning my next vacation and making arrangements to finish the remodeling of my mother's house?

Nope, none of the above! My curveball has spikes that areh every role. But hey, let's look at the bright side: I am relatively healthy, I have more energy than I really want, and I can bleeding me wittype faster than my computer can. YAY... LET'S CELEBRATE!

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